so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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