but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
