..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
