he wants to bone in the snuggie
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize