hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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