I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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