You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
