wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
