I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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