In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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