It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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