I want to walk on stilts...naked
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
