Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize