He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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