she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
