I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize