I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
