Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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