Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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