Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize