Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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