if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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