I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
