I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
