Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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