My nipple is on Facebook.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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