I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
