I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
