I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
