During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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