Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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