she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
