...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
