I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's get the cat blown out
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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