youre lurking in front of me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize