How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
