I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
