OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
