I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
