Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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