Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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