She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
