Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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