Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
