Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
