so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
