So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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