i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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