I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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