Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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