we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
