rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
