on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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