apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
