he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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