Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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