I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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