just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
