She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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