Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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