Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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