Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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