Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
