how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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