How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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