I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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