Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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