Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?

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(503): View more from Oregon

You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour

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(206): View more from Washington

She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient

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(732): View more from New Jersey

We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.

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