apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
