I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
