i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I want to fling myself into the sun
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
