You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
