Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
